Marriage Monday - Love & Respect Vol. 3

howdy folks!
well i guess i'm long over due for a Love & Respect update.
to catch up, you can click HERE.

i have to say, i haven't been great the last few weeks.
with my female issues and all, my hormones have been all out of whack.
it's like i've been stuck in a perpetual state of pms.
poor hubby.

so, we're doing this life group right? and we're reading the book love and respect.
and we're learning a lot about one another.

let's start with the crazy cycle.
if we are not in tune to the fact that women need love and men need respect, then we don't effectively communicate.
so when each other's needs aren't being met, we tend to get in this crazy cycle.

here's the perfect example.
my love language is acts of service. i'd take chris doing laundry without being asked any day over a bouquet of flowers.
so let's say that i lash out at him for not doing the laundry. because i perceive a type of love as acts of service, then i lash out because my need is not being met.
well, when i lash out, he feels disrespected and shuts down.
so now neither one of our needs are being met and we will just continue on the crazy cycle until one of us decides to jump off and compromise.
sidenote: you should totally read his needs, her needs. amazing perspective!

it's all so clear now isn't it!
i think most of us live on this constant crazy cycle.

what helped me was to straight up ask chris when he felt disrespected by me.
and most of the time it's when we are arguing or when i make snide little comments.

i can definitely tell you that i am more aware of the things coming out of my mouth.
now, i'm not all fixed yet, so while i'm more aware, it may not necessarily cause me to bite my tongue.
but the instant i say it, i'm like "oooh, that wasn't nice".

so maybe start with baby steps.
if things slip out of your mouth, immediately apologize.
it doesn't take the words away, but it shows your man that you're making an effort to be more respectful and live a fruitful life off of the crazy cycle!

1 comment:

  1. This is really impressive that you are able to communicate so openly about this kind of thing! And, nice that you are being so open about it on your blog, for people like me. I appreciate it for two reasons- one because I am newly married and two because I am a therapist. It always warms my heart when I see people actually putting forth effort to make their life better and to improve the relationships that they are in too, so, go you!

    Also, you are missing out on the curry. If you like spicy, I would suggest it! And, there are of course different degrees of spicy. I mean.. You can get mild, or medium, hot, or extra hot. At least at the Thai places that I like! If you like cooking at home, that recipe that I posted is really simple and I would recommend it! Plus, since you live in the states you'll be able to make it with all of the right ingredients, haha. No substitutions the way I have to do!

    Are you a photographer?