so much.

my brain is a crazy place right now.

there's so much in it that needs to come out and yet somehow i can't quite articulate it all.

for starters, i graduated! it. is. finished.

holla!

i can't express my happiness. and honestly, i'm quite proud of myself. i worked hard for this and had many a meltdown, but quitting wasn't an option. a few breaks along the way...yes. quitting, no. and so now it's not even a question i have to deal with. it's all done. praise jesus!

we headed to virginia for the ceremony - there was no way i wasn't walking across that stage!

my aunt and uncle came with us and that meant so very much. 

i was weepy and emotional for the whole ceremony. of course i was.

they had the spouses stand and be recognized for all their support along the way. that was awesome because poor chris endured so much during my schooling!

the sad part was when they had parents stand and talked about the parents praying their children through school.

and there i was, with no parents to stand for me.

it sucked to be honest. but, it is what it is.

and i got a t-shirt, so that's all that really matters, right?

hahahaha.

and so now, i've got lots of time on my hands.

lots of time to think....which is good and bad.

i have big big dreams that in some ways seem so close and others seem completely unattainable.

chris and i both are in a season of dreaming and trying to chase them. and that's scary.

so it would only be fitting to hang this right in our living room.

the hard part is trying to determine whether or not those dreams include children.

my last paper that i wrote for school was on the psychological effects of infertility on women.

i got an awesome grade on it, but it also made me realize just how deeply sad the roller coaster of infertility is. i just felt kind of pathetic after writing it. and 3 weeks later, the words of that paper are still haunting me. the bulk of this i'll save for another post on another day, but the gist of it is determining when enough is enough. 

so in this season of big dreams, my prayer has been that i only pursue the dreams placed in my heart by God. that anything i desire that isn't what He wants, that he would please remove the desire from my heart. and that means that i have to be willing to let go of my dream of a child if that's not what He has planned for me.

maybe His plan for me to be a mommy is traveling to orphanages and rocking babies in my lap.

maybe it's something so completely different that what i would have imagined.

no matter the outcome, i have to be willing to let go of the way i imagined my life to play out and fully embrace the life that God has planned for me.

you see, we can either hold so tightly to our own plans that we miss enormous blessings and intimacy with God, or...

...or we can fully embrace our trust in God and let Him have His way.

time and time again He has shown me that His ways are better than mine.

the choice is fully ours.

checking off the bucket list!

y'all. i've been a weepy mess this week.

there are quite a few factors to this madness:

PMS

the anniversary of mom's death

the anniversary of granddaddy's death

mother's day

a crazy work week

college graduation

vacation

all. this. week.

needless to say, my emotions and hormones and stress level have been on overload.

poor chris had to deal with my ugly cry at dinner last night.

he knows when that lip puckers up....it's a comin and there's no stopping it.

he saw it happening, and bless him, he said "oh no, no, no, please don't do that!"

bahahaha.

i bawled all over the land of public places yesterday.

the post office.

the mother's day card isle at walmart.

my couch.

the dinner table.

oy.

i think i'm a bit weepy in general because a major milestone is happening this week. 

i've been working on this dang bachelor's degree for 11.5 years.

seriously...who takes that long!?

but honestly, as i reflect, i'm kind of glad. 

i don't fit into a perfect mold and for far too long i kept trying to.

it's like that toddler toy where you try to match the wooden blocks with their shapes.

and i think i've finally let go of that for a bit.

and as i reflect, it brings me back to that lovely old 30 before 30 list that i created years ago.

i have 4 months left of being 30 and i've really done a lot.

in addition to the "x" marks, i accomplished a few others:

i got that other tattoo

i went to paris

i graduated college

i ran part of a 5k - that counts right?

i had those 30 days of quiet time with God - it was actually 42.

in all reality, i'm pretty proud of the things i have done in these 30 years.

it's been nothing short of adventurous.

i've lived in 3 states, moved 14 times.

we kind of go where the wind takes us.

we've traveled.

we've had fun.

and now, quite honestly, i'm a bit more excited for the next 30 years.

at some point, you have to stop desiring God's path for other people and embrace the one He has for you.

so to God, I say "let's do this."

this day....

this day 10 years ago, my mom and i were moving out of our home that we had lived in for 17 years.

it was a tough day, emotionally.

but that night, i had a first date with this cute guy that had been a crazy flirt.

i moved all of my bathroom essentials first so i would have everything needed to get ready.

but as i got out of the shower, and was getting ready to fix my hair........there was a blow dryer no where to be found.

my hair can NOT air dry. it's awful.

and so i threw it in a pony tail and ran to the nearest big lots and got me one. 

i remember i was wearing these cute little military green capris, a black t-shirt and flip flops.

i met chris at church for our saturday night service, where he was playing keys.

then we hopped in his mini-van and headed to dinner at outback.

caesar salad and a baked potato for me, and i was so nervous, that i couldn't eat it.

those days of not eating have long passed lol.

then we went back to his place and rented a movie. secondhand lions was the movie of choice.

and then he took me back to my apartment and the rest was history. 

we've spent almost every day since together for the last 10 years.

aww, look how we've changed.

love you boo. guess we're in this for the long haul. ;)

it's about to get real

today starts my weight loss challenge group.
when your muffin top is more like a doughnut, well....something must be done.
with a ridiculous lack of motivation, i needed a jump start.

i follow carly on instagram. i found her through a random #pcos hashtag.
she too has pcos, but has gone through an amazing weight loss journey since february.
and she did it through Team BeachBody and Shakeology.
i've seen her posting about challenge groups in which she is a coach, and i finally jumped on board.
i need the accountability and encouragement.

so today it all begins.
yummy good-for-you shakes.
workout dvds.
meal plans.
more exercise.
it is the necessary evil that is my life.

i posted some before pictures on our challenge group board and am utterly disgusted.
it's amazing how the perception of me in my head is sometimes so different from reality.
those bikini shot pictures were brutal. BRUTAL!
and at this point, this new adventure is 100% necessary!

but i'm excited. like really excited.
i'm ready to get this party started.
well and the fact that i paid good money for it lol.
it comes out to be like $4 a day which is $129 for a 30 day supply.
that seemed a little steep at first, but then when i thought about how much we spend on eating out each month......um this is actually really cheap.
if i cut zaxby's out of my life, i'm confident that my savings account will dramatically increase and weight dramatically decrease lol.

funny story about beachbody.
9 & 1/2 years ago while planning my wedding, i fell captive to a beachbody infomercial to which i paid like $90 to be "bikini ready".
about two years ago i gave those dvds to goodwill....still in the plastic wrapper.
i NEVER opened them!

so here we go again....let's do this!
i'll be posting periodic updates. this is a 90 day program which means i should be really cute for paris!
and then i guess i'll need some extreme assistance with not having a carb-fest while there!

i love the brits.

i have always had a fascination with europe.
and last year i fell into the wonderful trap that was downton abbey.
absolutely loved it.
but then i couldn't get season 2 anywhere, so i surely didn't watch season 3.
well last week i discovered that i had access to amazon instant video through my prime account.
hello awesomeness!
and all 3 seasons of downton abbey are there!!!!!!
oh. emmmmm. geeeeee. y'all!

and so i have been sucked in, in the worst best kind of way!
i now wish to live in england in the 1900s, wear fancy dresses, speak beautifully, etc. etc. etc.

in the last 2 days i have watched season 2 while i work.
it's a beautiful thing.
and it will be terribly sad once i finish season 3.

i always do this.
i get crazily wrapped up and feel like i know these fictional characters and then i go through withdrawals once i'm finished.
i know full well that the outcome is poor.
yet, i proceed into the abyss anyway.

here's to you downton abbey.
cheers.

and i do hope you read this with a british accent. i sure did write it with one!

dandelions and mondays.

in exactly 4 months I will be 30. FOUR months!!!

how did this happen?

this is problematic, and let me tell you why.

i set these awesome 2013 goals, because it was the year of 30.

i have done none of them.

years ago i created my 30 before 30 list.

i have completed 8 things on the list. EIGHT.

what is wrong with me?

so now the pressure is on. not in a "complete everything you can" kind of way, but i HAVE to create a new way of thinking. i have 4 months to get serious about working out and being more healthy.

i refuse, and i do mean REFUSE to enter my thirties as a fatty.

they say your 30s are the greatest.

well then, i am fully prepared to let them be great!

next year is our 10 year wedding anniversary and i want to take a big trip.

and part of going on that big trip is me being skinnier.

let the madness begin!

and on another note...

frankly, mondays have a bad reputation.
everyone hates mondays.
so to lighten your sad monday, i give you.....

dandelions.

see, weeds can be beautiful.
so let your weed of a monday be a beautiful one.

it's the weekend....

...and it couldn't come fast enough. to say this has been the week from hell would be an understatement.
but on a positive note, there are a few things tickling my fancy.

that phrase..."tickling my fancy", it just sounds naughty doesn't it? is it just me? surely not.

• washi tape. i have an obsession. have you experienced it yet? i seriously almost spent $50 on rolls upon rolls of it....but i refrained. instead i just have 2, and i want to put it on everything. it's like tape with happiness. you need to search it on pinterest or etsy...there's SO much you can do with it! you're welcome.

Source: toriejayne.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

• i made homemade granola - amazeballs. so easy too. in one of my many diet plans, i had purchased some quick cook oats for oatmeal, which i do not eat. so i threw some on a cookie sheet, added some chopped pecans and walnuts (the cheap ones from the baking isle), cinnamon and some sugar free honey. mix together, bake for about 10-15 minutes at 325 degrees. quite delish.
• we took a trip to costco to stock up for a few weeks. in my fragile emotional state, i bought the bulk packaged ghirardelli chocolate chunk brownies. and then i came home and immediately made some. i used unsweetened apple sauce in place of oil which completely justified my eating them. and i'll have you know, i only ate one...brownie, not pan. see, not so bad.
• what is up with the channel TLC? remember when it was all "trading spaces", "a wedding story" and "a baby story"? how has the learning channel turned into the reality tv capital? first, let's talk about the new show "the sisterhood". you're gonna want to click here in a sec. it's about pastor's wives..but in real housewives style. and it's in atlanta...and it doesn't make me proud of my home state. it's the epitome of why people have such adverse reactions to christians. however, it sucks me in every single time. also on this channel is "best funeral ever". i have no words. 
• i absolutely adore the mary tyler moore show. yes, like the one 50 years ago. but it's oh so good. i ran across this on pinterest recently and it totally made my day. i may need to frame this!

Source: beinthemomentphoto.com via Lauren on Pinterest

happiness - a little dab will do ya

i'm gonna be honest here.
this week has not been my best friend.
and there's nothing specific that happened, i've just been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
let's take wednesday for instance....i cried all day.
all day. gross.

so in an effort to pull me out of this ridonkulous funk, i've been thinking about all things happy.
things i need to assist in the cleansing of the funk.

pillows for instance. i love pillows. big fluffy ones.
i need some for our futon.
for our bed.
new ones for our couch - because dearest wallace decided they were for his afternoon snacking pleasure.

i have these euro pillows that i need to find covers for.
this is where i wish i could sew.
do you have any idea how awesome my house would be if i could sew?

christopher - i'm gonna need a sewing machine stat. 
as well as some classes to teach me how to use it.
deal? ok.

seriously y'all, the thoughts of that makes everything in the world better. ;)

i am in need of some decorating overhaul projects in this house.
our bedroom needs some serious attention.
i feel like every single room is just half way put together.
it's time to inject some serious personality!

i have a bajillion crafty things i want to do, but since i decided that i needed and education, my life has become overtaken by school work. yuck.

also on the happy list - a blog makeover.
please excuse it's ugliness at this moment...we're under construction.
i bombarded chris' email with pictures and pinterest links this week, so he promises to work on it and make it all i hoped it could be.
we're changing things up and it makes me oh so happy.

you will be happy to know that in the midst of my self-pitty yesterday i wanted to eat terrible things.
and i did not.
i instead made whole oat strawberry muffins (no flour) to assist in my time of need.
they were ok. i think a banana nut flavor would be better.
but just the sheer baking of them relieved some stress. or it could have been the natural calming supplement i took. one can't be sure.

now if i could just surround myself in glitter and sparkle, i just might be ok.

a tour of the hizzy

ok, ok. i've been talking about decorating my house and getting unpacked for weeks now.

well i'm happy to say that we've finally got the house put together...for the most part.

and as i've been talking about it, i've been promising pictures.

today is the day to deliver on my promise!

meet the front door.
this little suitcase table we made for chris's bedside table earlier this year.
however, this seemed to be the perfect place for it, so it has moved.
the "thomas" picture is something chris made for me for our anniversary last year.
it's a compilation of some of my favorite photos that i've taken with my photography business.

last week i got a little crafty and made this little wreath. i absolutely love it!

and here we have the living room, well one corner of it at least.

this lovely window on the mantle was one of my super fabulous finds at antique alley back in october.

it's missing one of the window panes...which i love. i filled the opening with snowflake garland that i made. i had bought some snow flakes made out of book pages and then i added a few strands of lace. it looks real cute in person...it's hard to see in the picture.

and here friends, is the white tree that i have embraced.

i super love it! so much fun!

how do you like our frame wall? 

i want to keep adding to it and i want to make it a wall of t's. so it will be an ever evolving work of art!

let's move on to the kitchen.

i may have gone overboard on refrigerator photos....but i can't help it.

i love this picture of me and my momma.

i have it by the stove so she can "help" me while i cook.

she and i always hung out in the kitchen, so it only seemed appropriate for her picture to be there too.

the dining room.

i super love this table.

i love it even more now that we bought some chairs to go with it!

and here we have the master bedroom. 

slowly but surely, it's coming together.

i'm probably most excited about the guest bedroom.

remember that $20 antique bed i got at antique alley?

well it's finally put together!

this room is all about color.

and red.

and teal.

oh, and also great deals! 

ok, so the bed frame was $20. 

the mattress and boxspring were free from a relative.

the comforter....found in the "as is" section of ikea for $14. only because it was returned without the package. no stains or tears.

i also made the teal fabric garland over the top. 

love.

and how perfect is the red table with teal accessories?

happiness i tell you. happiness.

Linking up with Kelly's Korner Christmas tour of homes!

happiness is....

the older i get, the more and more i appreciate and understand the need for family.
maybe it's the perspective that is gained when you lose those most precious to you.
all i know is that my family is the one thing i could never live without.

this weekend, chris and i had my brothers and family over to our new house.
my baby brother was missing :( but we still had a wonderful time.

i made lasagna - pioneer woman style.
my sis in law raegan brought sopapilla cheesecake.
oh my.
and my other sis in law jennifer brought the most delicious combination of cookie ever made. ritz crackers, peanut butter and then covered in chocolate.
oh, oh my.
we visited. we ate until we couldn't move. we watched goofy youtube videos and then a marathon of duck dynasty. it was fabulous.
laid back, chill, and wonderful. all of us just hanging out with no stress like family should be.

i was so wrapped up in visiting that i completely failed to bring out my camera.
very bad girl. but trust me, it was good. ;)

my older bro jamie and his lovely other half, jennifer, got me the most awesome necklace ever.
these are the names of my niece and nephews, and then the center charm says "aunt".
absolute perfection!

and a remote for my camera. i'm in love!!!

afterwards, my niece and nephew (jordi and jade) spent the night. it was our first ever auntie/uncle sleep over. and i have to say, it was a success!
they seriously are the sweetest kids ever and we had so much fun.
we chased the dog, the dog chased us. we played ipad/iphone games. watched some taylor swift and sang along really loud. gorged ourselves on cookies. cuddled on the couch. we had a lovely sunday morning breakfast and then headed out to toys r us and skipped through (literally) academy sports. these kids love salads, so that's what we had for lunch. i hope it's the beginning of many more slumber parties!

and this was our pathetic attempt at a group photo.

precisely why i needed a remote for my camera.

thank you jennifer!!!! ;)

my heart honestly is as full as it could possibly be. there is nothing like being an aunt/uncle. nothing.
and this my friends is exactly why my heart needed to move to texas.

tis better to give than to receive

y'all. i love giving gifts.
unfortunately finances bind me more than i would like.
if i could, i would give gifts all year.
i love it! there's just something about picking out a gift that you just know someone is going to love!
agghhh! i get excited just talking about it.

i've been doing some christmas shopping this week and i'm so excited.
i've got packages coming from all over!
in fact, i have one big plastic container i keep gifts in. sometimes i stock up on things that i know will make great gifts. and then come christmas time, i really load it up!
oh i just can't wait.

and i really can't wait to tell you about all the goodies i've found...but that will have to wait until after christmas. :(

in other news...we're moving.
again.
this may actually be a record.
we've only lived here 3 months!!!
but it's an awesome opportunity.
we only had 2 days to find a place to live in a new state, so i think we knew this place wouldn't last for long.
we found a house about 8 miles away and for the same price we're currently paying for apartment rent.
uh...yay God!
it's 3 bedrooms, 2 baths. a huge fenced in yard for wallace to frolic in.
the kitchen is much bigger, which is a must.
i'm so excited i can hardly stand it.
we move in sunday. woot woot!

BUT THEN...as soon as we move in i can start decorating for christmas!
hallelujah!
and then i'm having a party.
yep, a sibling party.
it will be the very first time that all 4 of us siblings have hung out all together...just us.
and of course our families.
so brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews and my niece.
sounds heavenly to me!!!
i absolutely can NOT wait.

but what in the world should i cook for dinner?
there will be 10 mouths to feed!??? help...i need ideas!
i could always throw something on the grill.
or do some kind od pasta bake.
help! ok go!

pin-terrific.

some days... pinterest is the best medicine.
after the emotional roller coaster of the last two weeks, i think a blog of happiness is in order. i can say for sure that the mixture of the holiday season along with this baby mess has me super missing my mom. you know what i love about pinterest? you can literally type in anything you're feeling and it will give you greatness. so i typed in "missing my mom" and this perfection popped up:


 

Source: thecolorsofmymind.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and then there was this. not under the missing my mom title. just in goodness in general ;)
i need this.
asap.

Source: missmustardseed.com via Lauren on Pinterest

have i ever told you the story about chris being my lobster? ok, so before we started dating, we had some mutual friends, all of which had told me chris liked me. his nickname then was C-Bass. and that was all i, or anyone, knew him as. but, i thought it was SEAbass. so of course i was all like awww....he's like my lobster, but my seabass. but then i found out it was C-Bass and it completely ruined it all.
turned out he was my lobster after all ;)

Source: steeevie.deviantart.com via Lauren on Pinterest

i am absolutely in love with this. i want to do a wall of "t"s.
really bad.
i mean i just love everything about this.
i think mine would incorporate a bit more color though.

Source: jonesdesigncompany.com via Lauren on Pinterest

the PERFECT entry table for those areas with no room for a big table.
i love it!
i think i'm gonna have to do this too.
LOVE!

Source: blogs.kinnetix.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and i leave you with the greatness that gets me through each day.
you guessed it.
my life verse.
god is able.
yes he is!

Source: temporaryvisitors.wordpress.com via Lauren on Pinterest

happiness.

well hello.
i hope you had a mahvelous weekend!
saturday, holli and i headed out to junk hippie at the convention center in dallas.
you know we love a collection of junk!
i was good...i spent hardly anything. woot woot!
sunday was super rainy, so chris and i rented james bond movies and had a marathon to get us caught up so we can go see skyfall.
i'll admit, adele's song for the movie got me pretty interested.
but then i realized i had never seen any of the new bond movies.
they were lovely.
and daniel craig....well he's a beaut.

y'all, i'm so ready to put out christmas decorations i can't stand it!
i tend to change up my holiday decor every year.
this year i'm thinking burlap!
oh be still my heart!!!

i'm thinking some cutesy diy like this is in order:

Source: craftcritters.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and most definitely a garland wreath will be necessary:

Source: littlenannygoat.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and this year i have a mantle, so i feel that this must happen:

Source: images.google.com via Lauren on Pinterest

what are you most looking forward to for the holidays?

Let's Chat

wow....the last 7 days have been a bit of a whirlwind!

but i wouldn't change a single minute.

so...without further ado, let's catch up!

i've been dying to cut my hair. 

it was super needed.

i posted this pic to facebook a couple of weeks ago for some feedback. i found this super cute cut on katie holmes and just loved it. that was the general direction i wanted to go.

the comments were about half and half. 

half leave it long and the other half cut it off!

so i decided to go with a longer version of the katie cut.

we cut about 6 inches off and i love, love, love it.

my hair is dark, so it's kind of hard to see, but here's an after shot.

moving right along, have i mentioned lately how excited i am to be in texas?

well, i'm so excited to be in texas!

the fact that i've seen my family almost every weekend since i've been here has just done wonders for my heart.

i'm finally able to be a part of the family, and words just can't even begin to describe that feeling.

there's honestly nothing in the world better than watching my nephew play ball.

(you can kind of see my short hair here too)

or being with my precious niece on her birthday for dinner and hanging out at her birthday party this past saturday.

y'all. this was my first birthday party with any of my family.

these are things i've been dreaming of for years.

and of course my sweet cuz holli is a part of my happiness! ;)

my heart is just oh so full.

there's really nothing better than family.

nothing at all.

and next weekend, i get to see my handsome little baby nephew!!! my heart just can't take all the goodness!

what are some of your favorite family moments?