life lessons...they're hard y'all.

oh my, what i have been learning about life the last few weeks.
my heart literally just might explode.
i've been feeling these things in bits and pieces for a while, but somehow tonight i managed to put them into words when chatting with my brother.
it was a total "aha" moment.
and so tonight, i'm setting myself free.

unless you were to know the layers and layers of my family story, me trying to put it all out here would be a bit difficult.
but i'm going to share the major parts because i think it's important, and hopefully y'all can relate.

i have a serious problem with perception.
not necessarily how i see others, but how i think others see me.
my family.
my friends.
my coworkers.
complete strangers.
like i get serious anxiety about it...always have.

part of this stems from not knowing my dad while growing up. those emotions are for a totally different day, but it's true. somehow i always felt guilty for that, all the while fully knowing that it was out of my control.
moving to texas was a big deal for me. i felt that i was the outsider and somehow it was my fault that my relationship with my family here was not like a normal family should have been. i feel like i have to be perfect for everyone to love me, and in doing that, i've been very surface level. i don't know how to let down the walls. maybe i'm afraid subconsciously that if i let them in, they won't like me.

through my brief life in texas, i have finally come to the realization that my relationship with my dad will never ever be what i desire it to be, and it's really no one's fault.
we had no father/daughter bonding time as a child. i came into the picture after everyone was grown....after i was grown. there's a 19 year gap in the beginning of my life with no father. and sadly, that means that we will always be somewhat disconnected.
that paired with the illusions i have of a father/daughter relationship have kind of held me captive in my own head for many years.
being here, these last 9 months, has helped me to just let go of all i "dreamed" our relationship would be and to accept it for what it is. and that's not a negative thing at all.
we can still have a great relationship without it falling into the parameters of my childhood imagination.

while part of letting go is a sad time, and grieving for what never was...it's also very freeing. because keeping it all inside is a very lonely place to be. and the comparison eats you alive. and frankly, i'm kind of sick of being lonely and eaten alive by my own thoughts.

so i'm ready to try a different approach....with fewer expectations.
i tend to have high expectations that i never communicate.
how can people meet them if i've never put them out there?

today, i'm letting go.
letting go of the guilt that's not mine to bear and moving forward.
when i pull out of here in two weeks, i pray that i'm able to leave some of this heavy, heavy baggage behind.
i'm tired of carrying it.

Let's Get Muddy

y'all...i am sooo excited!

i've been wanting to participate in a mud run forever now. 

well my time has finally come.

the team pretty muddy run is coming to dallas on june 1st at skyline ranch.

what a great goal to set for accomplishing those new year's goals of losing some weight or getting in shape. 

i know it's super motivation for me.

the great thing about this run is that it's women only, lots of fun, and for all ages and fitness levels.

yes there's a little obstacle course, but you can pick and choose which obstacles you tackle. there's a walk-around for any you don't feel like attempting that day. that's a huge relief for me, because this girl isn't a huge fan of obstacles...especially those including climbing walls.

then after all the fun of wallowing in the mud, there's an awesome after party with live music, games, drinks...

oh yes and there's prizes and giveaways!

registration is open now...who wants to join me? i'm registered! we can make a team!
annnnd we can dress up. so if we want to wallow in pink tutus, let's do it!
early registration ends 2/28 and that gives you $10 off.

come on! who's with me???

how did i not share this

y'all, i swear i wrote a post about the fort worth stockyards last december when i came to visit.

but i can't find it anywhere.

how could i not have posted?

well i guess the timing's perfect because everything is probably decorated for christmas down there now!

so anyway, last december when i came to visit the fam, my dad and stepmom and i spent a night in fort worth.

we ate dinner at a steak house called h3 and i swear it's the greatest steak i've ever eaten. so good in fact that i've refused to eat another.

the stockyards is such a super cool place. tara (my stepmom) and i spent the morning there and took the historical tour to learn all the ins and outs. pretty amazing. basically, it used to be where all of the livestock were traded/bought and shipped. now the historical society owns it, so everything is preserved. there's lots of shops and restaurants and such. 100% family friendly.

each day, they have the cattle walk where they literally parade some cattle down the middle of the street. i have to say it was pretty awesome.

and y'all, there's real life cowboys.
granted, there are lots of real life cowboys out here in texas, but it's new to me!

on that same trip we also spent a night in san antonio. 

have you been to the riverwalk? super cool.

we took the boat ride down the river and learned a lil' history on that as well.

unfortunately, my dad got called into work, so we left at like 3am to go home. 

but before heading home we did an alamo drive by.

so i present you the alamo....at 4am.

i was pretty shocked that the whole city is just built right around the alamo. 

i guess i'm used to georgia historic sites where there's lots of land surrounding everything.

but not the alamo. they sure did just build around it like it was any other building.

i'm still shocked as to how/why i didn't share this a year ago.

at any rate, it's posted now! ;)

and fits in perfect with my "i love texas" feature!

Antique Alley...Who Knew?

this my friends is the goodness that is antique alley that took place this weekend.

have you heard of it?
it happens twice a year in texas.
37 whole miles of antiques and yard sales.
pastures upon pastures of booths with wonderful items for sale.

holli found out about it through a little boutique business that she follows on facebook.
we've been planning this trip for weeks.
our honeys were supposed to tag along. but saturday night/sunday morning, my honey was puking his guts out. and holli's honey had had a long week...so it was just us girls.
truth be known, the guys wouldn't have enjoyed it quite like we did.
and lord knows they wouldn't have lasted all day!

as with anything like this, there were some awesome booths and some not so awesome booths.

holli and i got there right around 8am and left around 3pm.
and that was only about 6 miles of the 37! hahaha!
i got some amazing deals. amazing i say!
i took $100 with me and here's the loot i walked away with:
(i'll have a post completely dedicated to pictures of those items and how they've been incorporated in my house)

• an awesome vintage wooden bed in great condition = $20
• the perfect turquoise chair for chris's office = $5
• a lovely array of empty picture frames (4) = $25.50
• 2 turquoise shelves = $18
• fabric shreds to make garland with = $2
• 4 planks of junk wood to create something awesome with = $4
• 2 shutters = $5
• a fantabulous old window - missing a pane = $5
• the cutest sleeve for my laptop = $2
• sheet music garland = $4
• fresh cherry limeade = $2 (what? it was hot!)
• tin bucket = $3

yes friends, all that for less than $100! whaaat?

let's just say i have lots of crafting to do!

this was one of my favorite booths of the day.

 everyone needs a random wagon, right?

after several hours of shopping, we needed to refuel.

we were in the middle of nowhere and there was this little restaurant.

ell's place.

they had delicious handmade burgers.

holli had one called the wyatt earp, and well i went with just a good ol' cheeseburger.

and who couldn't forget the sweet tea!

on our way home, we stopped at this estate sale.

we passed the cutest little church. i just loved it.

and then there were cows. 

i super heart cows.

there was a precious little calf nursing and i took a picture of it.

however, i spared you from it because momma wouldn't stop licking it's booty.

so no calf picture on the bloggy. ;)

holli and i had so much fun!

she got some pretty awesome stuff herself.

it was so funny - we had that truck loaded down!

we had to purchase a ton of bungie cords to hold it all down.

we've come to the conclusion that we're junkaholics.

we're currently working out a way to find free junk - sell it on craigslist - and boom, there's our spending money for junkin'!

rest assured we'll be gearing up to give it another try when it comes back next april.

so. much. fun.

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

life was such a perfect little place in mr. rogers' world.

i mean honestly, you hopped on a little train and visited all of your friends around town.

complete sidenote: i was appalled to learn that my sister in law has no clue who mr. rogers is. it's a sad day we live in folks. or i'm just getting old.

anyway.

i'm not gonna lie, it's a little lonely here in the great state of texas.

part of this is because i don't leave my house all day.

i work from home, so there's no interaction.

and poor chris.

he works and talks all day so he just wants to chill when he gets home, and well i haven't talked to anything other than cats, so i want to talk and do stuff.

needless to say this is quite the transition.

we've been here a month - it's got to get better right?

i want it to be like mr. rogers' world where all things are happy and people are happy to be your neighbor.

i'm learning that it is very difficult to meet new friends in a new town.

this is going to require me to get waaaay out of my comfort zone.

like go to totally random things not knowing a single soul.

ugh.

so i guess that means i should find a hobby club or something.

oh gosh, i sound like a senior citizen.

maybe i'll take up quilting.

i am going to a dallas bloggers meet and greet painting party in a couple of weeks, so there's one step!

i need to be doing something....for me and for jesus.

unpacking boxes and doing laundry and cooking....well that's not exactly helping out the kingdom of god.

i currently feel like a rather useless human being and that's not something i enjoy in the least.

so the time has come to google some clubs and club hop for a while.

ahahaha....all i can picture are girl scouts and senior groups! are there even clubs these days?

BUT as whiney as all that was, i can say that i feel like i have some direction.
quiet time is sooo important.
quite frankly i've sucked at it lately.
but i'm trying to get better.
yesterday morning i took my bible and sat on the porch for a while.
i read a few chapters and then started journaling. writing to god - just about things in general...not even about what i had just read.  and then it turned into a plea for direction in this new life of mine. a plea for him to make me more like him.  and i swear it was like god was speaking to my heart and revealing things as i journaled.
he took me back to my senior year of high school, where a sequence of events resulted in me having zero friends. none.
i went to school everyday and came home - no friends.
just me and mom.
but what i can say is during that time, i got closer to god than ever before.
so while it was lonely, it was an awesome experience as well.
and so here i am.
lonely again. with few friends.
so why not use this as an opportunity to grow spiritually and get myself healthier physically?
well, that's just what i'm going to do.
this is an opportunity for me to invest in me and get some of my own issues straightened out - you know, with god. because apparently i get distracted and need to be reigned in...and well god obviously thinks that needs to be accomplished by stripping every distraction away from me. haha.
but after all that, i'm feeling much better about this here situation i'm in.
i'm actually excited about it. i'm excited to spend time with jesus and let him transform me.
it's a new season. i guess i'm like the caterpillar in the cocoon. i'm wrapped up in jesus and hidden until he's ready to let me spread my wings.

What A Weekend Y'all!

there's something about texas and the weekends that i'm just absolutely loving.

maybe it's the fact that for the first time in our marriage we actually have weekends that don't involve stress about church on sunday, or last minute things to be done for church on sunday.

if i've said it once, i've said it a million times, but this new role for chris has just been life changing in so many ways for us.

friday night we had a pretty lame-o date night that included a mirage of you-tube videos. yep, that's how we roll....lame and all. 

saturday we were pretty lazy and it wazs quite amazing. we began project no more scary room. and of course we had some help from the kitties.

we bought a grill thursday so it was quite exciting to experiment with a few recipes this weekend.

saturday i grilled salmon filets and made pesto zucchini noodles. this was my first time grilling fish or eating salmon (other than a fried salmon patty), and if i may say, it was quite tasty! something that can definitely be added to my recipe box. and it was guilt free! saturday night i made pimento cheese burgers with homemade baked potato chips. another yumm-o!

but the best, best, best part of the weekend was sunday.

my little bro came up with my precious nephew, so of course all of the family went to dad's. it was like a caravan! i haven't seen him in like a month and he's grown so much.

i apologize in advance for the poor picture quality. i took them with my phone and was too lazy to brighten them before posting.

here's sweet cove and my lovely cousin holli. this was her first time to meet the little angel.

i seriously could eat.him.up.

seriously.

for reals.

the cutest little kissable cheeks ever.

EVER.



and here he is with his uncle chris! this was their first encounter too.

precious!



and of course nanny and cove. awww, how sweet.

we spent several hours there and it was so great to catch up.

i think what's most exciting is that this was the second weekend in a row i've gone to my dad's.

it feels so good to be that close now.

ahhh....and now it's monday.

new week....new adventures!

The Scary Room

So I have this room, and well, it's pretty scary.

I have come to realize that most people have a scary room. 

You know, that one room where everything accumulates that doesn't have a "home".

Here's the current sad state of my scary room:

Yikes! And I work in this every day! 

But fear not, i have some awesome plans for this room.

It WILL be colorful and fun.

Definitely not scary.

I think some fabric garland will do the trick. And of course the framed fabric in the window!

I believe a daybed will be the best bet for this room.

With lighting sconces of course. I super love these.

Here's another option for fabric garland.

Maybe a fun chandelier or some vinyl saying on the wall. I love the fun pillows.

And yes, there must be some pom pom burlap curtain ties!

I love how fresh and clean this one feels:

So now to find the $$ to make the most perfect collection of all of these elements. I'm determined to make this awesome.
Because I'm awesome and need an awesome workspace. Just kidding...kind of.
I feel that I should hand all handmade artwork in here.
Oh, the possibilities are endless.

Don't worry, I'll be sure to document this along the way.
I guess my starting point should probably be to go through the rest of the boxes!

I Love Texas - Edition 1

So for my new followers, when I lived in Atlanta I had started a bloggy thing called I Love Atlanta where I would blog about the awesomely cool things to do in Atlanta.

I guess now that I'm a Texan, it's going to be I Love Texas!

Usually date night for me and Chris falls on Friday. But this Friday I have a super cool girls night out planned, so we moved date night to Thursday.

I love a mid-week date.

We decided to try out a restaurant here in Rockwall called Bin 303.

They are part of the Go Texan movement which means they try to get as much of their food as possible from places here in Texas. Their menu changes every 6 months to serve seasonal items.

 















The atmosphere was super cool. The restaurant is in an old house off of the square. Indoors was a very cool laid back atmosphere with some super cool music playin - acoustic versions of all of your favorite hits.

We started our with their garlic cheese bread. Uh, yum-o!

Then for dinner we both had burgers. Now, I have a thing for pimento cheese....especially on a burger. I love it. And while they don't have a pimento cheese burger on the menu, they do offer pimento cheese as an appetizer. So I sweetly talked them in to making me a pimento cheese burger.
Freaking amazingly delicious.
I 'm not typically a fan of ground beef...but this was soooo good.
The fries were amazing too.
And by half way through our meal we were totally stuffed but it was way too good not to finish.
So if we're already miserable, why not order dessert too?
Um....can I just say it may have been the best dessert I've ever had. It was some sort of espresso chocolate mousse. Ah-mazing. For realz.

So in between courses our pastor walks up to the table...he just so happened to be having dinner there as well. We chatted for a few minutes - it was my first time meeting him. Super nice guy.

So after dessert our waitress comes by and tells us our meal had been taken care of.
What???
In all of our years of ministry, we have never had someone, much less the pastor, randomly pay for our meal. For me it was just one more thing reassuring me we were in the right place. I don't even know how to put into words how great that felt. Amazing.

All in all, date night was a super success!
And please, do yourself a favor and have some dinner here at Bin 303. You won't be sorry.

I'm A Star!

Hey Ya'll! My precious cuz had me guest post on her blog today!
Woot woot!
Go check it out fo realio!

~Lauren

Food and God. or God and Food.

well friends, it's been a while since my last weight loss update.
that's because i didn't want to admit that i've been failing miserably.

not that i've really gained anything (and for the last 2 weeks i have refused to get on the scale), but just my habits are bad. and that makes me feel gross.
i do not enjoy putting junk in my body.

so the other night while sitting at steak n' shake eating cheese fries, it hit me.
or god hit me.

there is a 100% correlation in how much time i'm spending with god and my eating habits.
stay with me for a second.
you see, our bodies are naturally created to crave things.
my body craves nurturing...from god.
but when i'm not spending time with him and allowing him to fulfill me, i tend to turn to food for that comfort.
which almost always ends up in me feeling worse.

this has been a major struggle all my life.

and while some people struggle with drugs, or alcohol, or sexual immorality, i struggle with food.

and sometimes, the food wins for a little while and becomes an all consuming evil.

thank god that he continues to nudge me to turn to him and let him help me with this.
and thank god that he continues to forgive me for putting more effort into my next meal than i do with spending 30 minutes with him.

our church service today was about how a little bit of bad can ruin all of you, if you let it.
one of the verses that really spoke to me was this:

Mark 14:38 (MSG) "...Stay alert, be in prayer, so you don't enter the danger zone without even knowing it. Don't be naive. Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire."


did you catch that? part of you is eager for god, but another part is lazy.
there will always be a part of me that is lazy and tempted. there will always be a struggle/battle between right and wrong.

but by staying alert and in prayer, you become aware that you're slipping into the wrong, or 'danger zone' as the verse calls it.

so today i was reminded that i was entering the danger zone.
and i went grocery shopping and bought all good and healthy things...fruits and veggies, etc.
we're getting my office area completely unpacked so that i have a designated spot for god time each day.
gym schedule is about to be made.

i know i can do this because i've done it time and time again.
but the ultimate answer to all my food related issues is simply this:
until i learn to fill my every need with god, my food issues will never go away.
it won't be fixed over night.
but if i can keep covering my issues with god, eventually i will overcome this.
because, as we all know, god is able. and in his name we overcome.

New Month, New State, New Life

happy august y'all!

back up...can you believe it's august already?

that means that christmas is right around the corner!!!!

oh yay, my favorite!

ok i won't take us to christmas time just yet.

so with a new move comes new changes.

even better to start those changes in a new month!

i've got a whole list of things i want for our new life in the great state of texas.

like a schedule for quiet time.

a schedule for working out.

a nose ring.

a new tattoo.

a new style.

a new me!

so far i have decided that a red-orange nail polish will be my signature color.

i have also decided i want to wear scarves in my hair.

working from home allows me to change up my style a bit and i'm super excited.

yesterday i decided i needed a new skin care regimen too.

so i'm trying boscia.

have you used it? heard of it?

supposedly it's all natural and preservative free.

that has to be good right?

i just bought the trial kit, so we'll see. 

i think i like it...2 days in.

on a different note - i seriously think i may be addicted to taco bueno.

we've had it like 4 times in the last 4 days.

and moving right along...let's talk about r-pat and k-stew also known as robert and kristen and their sad break up. it is seriously on every channel and every magazine. about like tom and katie. i love some entertainment news as much as the next gal, but i kind of feel sad that their heart ache is being so over publicized....and that people care so much about it.

and so let me bring this completely full circle and ask your opinion on a some beauty items.

what is your must have beauty product?

what is your must have hair product?