Ok, so I spent most of yesterday thinking about what I would write to my inner fatness if I were to write a letter. Mostly I was trying to go all psychological (think Jillian on Biggest Loser) on myself to figure out the underlying reasons of my life long weight battle.
Buried deep in my thoughts I ventured back to my quarter-life crisis a couple of years ago.
The year of 24 I freaked out a good bit about turning 25 and realizing all the things I had wanted to accomplish by age 25 and hadn't yet.
This QL crisis resulted in counseling which is where we had a great breakthrough.
Apparently I don't deal with things when they happen - be it good or bad.
I bury them deep inside and then eat to cover it all up. It's like my brain's way of dealing - just cover it deep within and continue not dealing. She sent me to overeaters anonymous and I think that just wasn't the answer. I probably didn't give it a fair shot tho - I only went once.
Deep huh?
Well this not dealing thing hasn't really worked out for me. It has resulted in me being far too overweight for my little frame of a body. I mean really, I'm 5'0 tall. I'm practically as wide as I am tall! ;) Ok maybe not that bad just yet. But I don't want to get there. Luckilly, I'm not gaining weight at the moment. I've been the same size for about the last 3 years, so I guess that's some good in all of it.
Over the years I've had some pretty traumatic stuff happen. And it's probably time I deal with it. I'm to the point that I think the only way I could ever let go of the inner fat lady and successfully lose weight is dealing with all this. But see, that scares me and just makes me want to go eat. See my problem?!?!? And then, only adding fuel to the fire, I have PCOS which has literally made my metabolism all but stop! What gives?
So friends, I'm ready for this journey. I'm ready to be the cool and skinny 26 year old I was meant to be!
But a warning - it might get ugly. I use this blog as a way to relieve stress sometimes - it helps just writing it all out. So there may be a super depressing post here and there. But I'm committed. Will you help me? Help me stay on track bloggers!
So my next mission is to write a farewell letter to the fatty Lauren. Then we'll see where that takes me.
I am beind you 100%. You need to deal with your problems.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever kept a journal? They are the best for situations like this. And maybe a food journal. That way you can SEE everything you have eaten.