Consequences? Seasons? Maybe a little of both.

From the age of 17 - 19, I interned with the youth ministry at my church.
The absolute, by far, greatest time of my life.
It was everything I needed at the time.
It was all the people I needed.
I met some of the most amazing people and loved them dearly.
I mean these people I thought I would be friends with forever.
Now they're all just those "acquaintances" on facebook....memories of a distant past.

I led this 8th grade girls Bible study for two years - the same group of girls and I just moved up to 9th grade with them. I can honestly say I truly loved those girls. I mentored one of them, she was precious. And her family, oh my, her family. Couldn't have loved them any more than I did! They were wonderful. It's funny how 10 years later I can still remember the smell of their house....Bath & Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar. That may secretly be why I have that same scent in my own home. While I invested in their daughter, they invested in me. I remember a birthday party they threw for me with homemade cookie cake because they knew I hated regular cake. Like I really can't even describe the connection I had with them.

But then...I started college.
And the first day of college I met a guy. You know because mom always said I'd meet someone in college, so he had to be from God right?
I was SO strong in my faith...maybe the strongest I've ever been.
But yet, this guy....he was my project. I was going to turn his life around.
I mean he was an altar boy as a child, so technically he had a church background.
Funny how Satan can manipulate us into believing the stupidest things.
Rather quickly, he began absorbing all of my time.
And before you knew it, I was living a lifestyle that I was ashamed of.
So rather than break it off with this guy, I quit what truly was most important...the internship.
And with that, I drifted away from all of those wonderful people who invested so much into my life.
i chose a boy over what mattered.
And that entire first semester of college is what has come to be known as the biggest mistake of my life.
And here we are, 10 years later, and I still deeply miss those people. I miss who I was. I miss all that I missed out on. It's not normal for me to think about them as much as I do. But they were precious to me and I basically walked out on them.
All for a boy.
A stupid stupid boy.

And often I wonder....were they just here for a season of my life? Or is this longing for them the consequence of my sin? Because you know, there's always consequences.

Or maybe a little of both.