The Blowing of the Tubes

as most of you know, i'm currently riding on the "i want a baby but can't have one" bandwagon.
it's not exactly a fun wagon at the moment.

back in october i had a procedure known as an hsg (hysterosalpingogram). basically they insert some dye through my fallopian tubes and take an x-ray to ensure there are no blockages/problems/etc.
can i just tell you how uncomfortable that was? it didn't hurt but definitely made me want to throw up! my doctor knew with my pcos pregnancy would be difficult, but she was concerned because we had been trying for a year with no luck, so she wanted to make sure we didn't have any additional obstacles.

mine came out normal - no blockages, so that was great!
for most women, this tends to make them a bit more fertile and pregnancy usually happens within a couple of months after the procedure.

of course this wouldn't be the case for me. as life would have it, i've yet to have a cycle since the procedure. without a cycle i can't take my fertility medication. and no, i'm not pregnant. however, 25 people around me are. no, that's not an exaggeration, seriously 25 people around me are preggers.

it's actually become quite comical if you want to know the truth. i mean honestly, how does that happen? about every 4-6 days someone else announces a pregnancy on facebook. it's pretty funny at this point.

now i'm not gonna lie. i did have a slight meltdown. and by slight, well....it was actually pretty ugly. you know, the ugly cry where you look like a mutated beast. and let's not forget the demon red eyes that then turn into major puff balls. but i needed to get it out. for so long it was so easy to just suppress all the emotions and become numb. release was needed and by golly release is what i got.

but i'm still here and still holding on to the promise of ephesians 3:20 - my god is able.
and when it happens, it is going to be the most beautifully perfect representation of how awesomely able my god is.
and well, i just can't wait.