i need my momma.

this week has been a tough one in every way.
but the biggest heart break is knowing that it's been 7 years since my mom passed away.
absolutely positively the worst week of my life.
she was my very best friend.
my very best cheerleader.
she knew exactly what i was thinking and feeling.
i miss being able to talk to her.
i miss her voice, her hugs, the way she said my name.
i miss everything about her...the good, the bad.
i never imagined that at the tender age of 22 i would show up to her apartment only to find her "sleeping".
i'm jealous of my aunt and my grandmother. they have so many "adult" memories of her.
and i basically only have my childhood memories of her.
she didn't get to see me all grown up.
and so i often panic.
i panic that those memories won't be enough to last me the rest of my life.
and then i get overwhelmed because i need her so very much right now.
i have so much i need to tell her.
for goodness sakes, i'm turning 30 this year and she's supposed to be here.
she's supposed to be here if/when i ever have kids.
she's just supposed to be here.
and yet, God had other plans, and i have to accept that.
and my head does, but my heart is far from accepting that she's never coming back.

mama, i miss you so much. words can't even express it. i think about you every single day. i miss you every second. i miss your smell of cherry blossoms. i miss your amazing hugs. i miss your laugh and your dinners. i miss your quirks. i just miss you, and for the record...i'm never going to be ok. 
ok went out the window the moment you left this world. i wonder sometimes if you knew how much i love you. i know that i meant the world to you, but did you know you meant the world to me?
i hope you do mama. i hope you do.
and i hope you know that i absolutely can not wait until i see your face again and we never have to say good bye. 
i love you more than anything in the world.


  1. I know the feeling. Its awful. I cried the entire way to work this morning bc I wanted to call my grandmother. It was 7 years in January. The hurt never goes away. All you can do is be grateful for every moment you had with her. Everyone loved Laura. I'm so glad I got to know her. Not sure what I would've done without the two of you!
    Remember when she sang "pony"?! Haha...hilarious times!

  2. I feel the pain and hear it in your voice. I'm so sorry sweet Laura left our world so soon. There is nothing that can make you miss her less and forget about her.
    I love you.