Taking it all in...

over the years i've blogged a time or two about our desire for a baby.
it's something that i normally don't really talk about too much, but it consumes my heart always.
most couples feel like it's time for a child a couple of years into marriage.
well here we are coming up on our 7th year and we're more than ready for that next step.
but you see, our situation is one that needs some help from God.
i have pcos and that's a huge ordeal in trying to get preggers.
now let me say it is a blessing that we haven't had a child up to this point.
chris and i have been through some pretty dark times with circumstances in our lives that would have been very difficult to go through with a child. i mean there were times that we didn't know how we would be able to make our bills with just us, much less add another life to the mix.
but nonetheless, i am a woman, and we were created to create.
it's a desire in my heart that i was created to have.
and with chris just turning 30 and me approaching 30, it's something that is really a big deal for us.
however, i struggle with using fertility treatments.
i want more than anything for this to happen naturally.
i don't want to force it to happen.
i also think there's a fine line in trying to have a baby and trying to play God.
you know, maybe we're a family that's called to adopt.
there's just lots of underlying issues here.
it's the little things that get me - like what if i never know what it's like to hear a baby born from me cry for the first time?
this has been a multi-year struggle with me and god.

***Note: this is about to get spiritual***

since the new Hillsong album came out, there's a song called God Is Able and it has spoke to me since the first time I heard it. It's like it's God's song to me about this whole ordeal.

so lately, the want for a baby has been on my mind quite a bit.
wednesday night i was helping with our high school students at church and worship was awesome.
then the next song the band plays is God Is Able.
ok so i lost it.
and it was one of the most spiritual moments i've ever experienced.
i swear god spoke to my heart and asked "do you really believe what you're singing? do you believe i am able?"
seriously god?
wrecked me.
and of course i answered yes. and i felt him nudge me "then raise your hands and praise me in the midst of all this."
powerful stuff.
and it has changed me. it has given me more hope than ever before.
i know there are tons of people out there who are experiencing difficulty in starting a family.
and i wanted to share this, so that if it's you, or someone you know, that you may find some hope in it too.
and in honor of that god moment - here are they lyrics to "God Is Able" by Hillsong.

God is able

He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

[Chorus]

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

[Chorus]

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

[Chorus (x2)]

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able